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    We had to have the garage door repaired.
    The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was
    that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener.
    I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one
    Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
    He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower."
    I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.
    He said, 'NO, it's not. "Four is larger than two."

    We haven't used Sears repair since!


    My daughter and I went through the McDonald's
    take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.
    Our total was $4.25 , so I also handed her a quarter.
    She said, "You gave me too much money!"
    I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give
    me a dollar bill back. "She sighed and went to get the
    manager who asked me to repeat my request.
    I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said
    “We’re sorry but they could not do that kind of thing."
    The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1.75 change.

    Do not confuse the clerks at McD's


    I live in a semi rural area.
    We recently had a new neighbor call the local
    township administrative office to request the removal
    of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.
    The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
    I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

    From Kingman, KS.


    My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
    She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce."
    He said he was sorry , but they only had iceberg lettuce.

    From Kansas City


    I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport
    employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage
    without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without
    my knowledge, how would I know?"
    He smiled knowingly and nodded. "That's why we ask."

    Happened in Birmingham, Ala


    The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the
    street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker
    of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I ex-
    plained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled,
    she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"

    She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS


    At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker leaving the
    company due to "downsizing", Our manager commented cheerfully,
    "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was
    spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-
    headlights stare.

    This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.


    I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into
    itself and for the sake of her life, she couldn't understand why her
    system would not turn on.

    A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less!


    When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to
    pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
    We went to the service department and found a mechanic working
    feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from
    the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and
    discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the
    technician, "It's open!" His reply, "I know. I already got that side."

    This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi

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